Keep the Spark in Your Marriage Without Getting Scorched
Marriage is a blessed covenant, designed to last a lifetime.
A trip down the alter should end with a loving walk into the sunset after a full life of love and happiness.
Although many couples are able to maintain a happy marriage, others are not.
What’s the difference, and how can spouse improve their changes of staying together? Research has some answers.
Keep Marriage Sizzling Through Relational Satisfaction, Not Stress
Seeking to investigate the cause of marital burnout, Melike Kocyigit and Mehmet Uzun (2025) explored the process of emotional regulation within marriage.
They begin by acknowledging the link between emotional well-being, emotion regulation, and couple burnout.
As many partners recognize instinctively, stress can make it difficult to freely express emotion. note that authenticity, defined as exhibiting one’s “true” self, is necessary in order for couples to recognize and expressing emotion, and decrease stress and conflict in a relationship.
Studying 602 married individuals, they found, among other things, a combined moderating effect of relational authenticity and having children on the relationship between difficulty regulating emotion and spousal burnout.
Thankfully, burnout can be both predictable and preventable.
Behavior That Buffers Burnout
Kocyigit and Uzun (ibid.) identify one of the most significant factors impacting a couples’ emotional well-being as the link between emotional regulation and burnout — which they describe burnout as “a state of physical, emotional, and mental tiredness caused by continuous gaps between expectations and realities.”
They note that couple burnout, which often linked to factors including personal and professional challenges (such as career hurdles) and increased stress, occurs gradually over time in response to life obstacles and unreasonable expectations.
They describe the process of increasing negativity, noting that couples experience indifference and discouragement, followed by resentment, anger, and frustration, which ultimately reduces the ability to experience compassion and sincerity.
Over time, Kocyigit and Uzun note that couples may suffer physical burnout in the form of symptoms such as overeating, abdominal pain, and chronic headaches, in addition to emotional burnout in the form of negative emotions, diminished self-esteem, and frustration with one’s partner.
Finally, they even acknowledge the possibility of mental burnout manifest through feelings of sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, and depression.
Within such downward spirals, partners may exhibit disinterest and anxiety about the future of the relationship, which can result in dissolution.
How Authenticity Is Positivity
Thankfully, there is good news.
Kocyigit and Uzun note that because emotions impact the dynamics of romantic relationships, couples who are able to work together to regulate and negotiate their emotions can improve relational quality and reduce the chance of burnout.
Additionally, Kocyigit and Uzun state that the relationship between authenticity and relationship satisfaction impacts a couple’s ability to avoid burnout.
They note that authenticity is inversely linked with negative states such as stress, anxiety, and depression, and positively associated with psychological well-being.
People with high levels of authenticity often trust their partners more and are more disposed to to attachment.
Kocyigit and Uzun (supra) also note what most people have experienced personally: authenticity is related to positive emotions and activities.
Research linking authenticity with trust, self-disclosure, and relational harmony suggests that authentic individuals are able to share emotions more easily with their partners, allowing them to use functional strategies of regulating emotion to prevent burnout.
Also, because authenticity has been identified as a predictor of anger and aggressive attitudes (citing Pinto et al., 2012), they even suggest that partners who are authentic may be able to avoid anger and aggressive behavior because they can express their emotions easier.
This can help avoid engaging in relational behavior that can cause burnout.
Down the Aisle, Into the Sunset
Marriage is a cherished covenant, designed to last a lifetime.
The key to maintaining marital quality is creating an environment that inspires trust, respect, and positivity. Authentic, positive, emotional regulation can help keep the flame burning and avoid burnout.
This article was originally published in Psychology Today and is used with permission of the author.
Wendy L. Patrick, JD, MDiv, Ph.D., is an award-winning career trial attorney and media commentator. She is host of “Live with Dr. Wendy” on KCBQ, and a daily guest on other media outlets, delivering a lively mix of flash, substance, and style. Read Dr. Wendy L. Patrick’s Reports — More Here.
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